I stumbled upon it years ago and have been following it since. Recently, I have been ignoring the weekly email updates, but as I recognize myself in a downward spiral these days (in terms of motivation), I revisited his blog for some help.
Of all his suggestions, I think these rules will help me keep motivated the most since it is all about accountability!
Make someone else pay for your failure. This is a really powerful form of motivation. Set a challenge for yourself for a month, and if you fail, then a friend agrees to have something bad happen to her or him. For example, if you don’t run three times a week for the month of January, then your friend Amit gets an ice bucket dumped on him. Or your wife has to go three days without her phone. Obviously your friends have to agree to the consequence, but you can agree to be each other’s consequence, and pick a consequence you’d be unhappy about but willing to do. This is much more powerful than if the consequence of your failure happens to you, because you really don’t want to be the cause of someone else’s misfortune.
Make someone else benefit from your success. This is just the reverse of the previous idea … if you succeed at your monthly challenge, then a friend gets to have something nice happen to him or her. This is really nice, because you will be motivated to make someone else happy.
Though I think these will be effective...I couldn't find a single sorry sap who wanted to volunteer to be rewarded or punished by my efforts. haha I guess I can't blame them.
Well... back to square one. Maybe just doing without thought is the answer.
My favorite post of Zen Habits is Breathe. and I come back to this several times a year.
At the beginning of this year, I quickly jotted down some goals for myself.
So far... one thing has been accomplished, but it is a very big thing so I don't feel so bad about being behind on the others. I'm working on the others on a more day to day basis, and figure I safely cross off goal 5. blog.
2016 goals 1. Have a wedding
2. Arrive at work by 8am (finally starting to do this)
3. Graduate to a different surfboard (summer is here!)
4. Make dinner twice a week (getting better at this) 5. Blog
6. Stay off phone at home (doing poorly here)
7. Exercise 5 times a week (doing very poorly here)
8. Do some career goal planning
9. Work on cutting down those student loans to 45K (on track!)
With only half the year left, I think I need to re-prioritize those big goals to focus.
2016 Birthday goals
1. Graduate to a different surfboard (this is going to be a reach)
2. Re-evaluate career goals and come up with a concrete plan for 2017
3. Student loan goals= 38K
4. Comfortably fit back into my black dress
a. Swim 3 times a week until December
b. Go to class at least 2 times a week until December
I can't even tell you how great this weekend was, being surrounded by friends with whom you can have easy conversation and delicious food. I think that simple activity is so emotionally fulfilling and energizing, and when done with the right company, ambiance, and food--it is priceless.
Saturday night the ND crew in LA got together for a late dinner to celebrate Joey's engagement! We went to Little Sister and then to Bottega Louie across the street for some delicious sweet and savory treats and late night coffees and lattes served in tiny espresso cups. It is the first time the 5 of us, and of course, Chris have gotten together in LA, and the conversation was so easy and comfortable, I know we all walked away thinking, why don't we do this more often. Even though we've all changed so much, I love that we can fall right into conversation and understand immediately where the other is coming from-- after all 10 years of friendship does that right?
We had no problems devouring that delicious pear tart.
Sunday night we were treated to some savory, luxurious, seriously delicious French food at a restaurant in Industrial District of LA called Church and State. John and Zhu Dan are friends we met through another friend in LA, though I knew of Zhu Dan and had met her a few times in D.C. They are pregnant with their first baby but wanted to treat us to dinner to celebrate our wedding. Even though we have only hung out with this couple a few times in LA, to the extent I was SHOCKED she was pregnant (having not hung out for 8 months), when we get together, we have such easy, funny, and meaningful conversations. I wasn't able to take photos because I left my phone at home, but I managed to ask Chris to snap a picture of these delicious little escargots soaked in pesto and eaten in delicious little caps of delicate bread. It was my first encounter with escargots, and it was a good encounter. I'm excited to try more.
So the wedding happened a few weeks ago, but things have been so crazy with family and friends visiting, and a trip to Yosemite with my parents, that I haven't really had a chance to process what happened or how it happened!
It is kind of floating around me and I want to record the wedding, but it doesn't feel right to record that without acknowledging our Wedding 1.0 that took place Oct 24, 2015 at the Maryland Courthouse.
I remember how insane Wedding 1.0 preparation was. We invited 25 of our closest friends (since that was the Courthouse limit) in the DC Metropolitan Area as well as some friends in nearby cities to come to a courthouse celebration and reception at our friend's Sakaya and Andre's house. Chris and I met through Sayaka and Andre, so it seemed only appropriate and they were kind enough to host!
I had this crazy work assignment from hell that didn't seem to have a deadline and my amazing supervisor, Minki, had the insight to excuse me from the project for a few days to prepare for our wedding ceremony. I am forever thankful for her generosity and wisdom in recognizing that I needed help and offering her support to me. I hope to become a manager like her one day.
Helen made the invitation and helped me pick out my dress. I remember running all around Bethesda the day before visiting all the stores trying on ALL the white dresses, and finally thinking---actually I just want to feel beautiful, and a white dress is not going to do it!
Mari did my hair, and Ada put together my bouquet. Chloe and Sayaka baked us 3 beautiful delicious cakes and Andre helped us get food from our favorite Chinese restaurant, Bob's Shanghai in Rockville. Others helped by bringing drinks, chairs, and helping with clean up. It was casual and personal, and made us realize being surrounded by friends is awesome. Chris who was convinced a wedding wasn't "worth it" was converted after spending a night surrounded by love and energy from friends!
We took off our engagement rings, and then just put them back on :) yes, we are resourceful like that.
I love this group of people who made D.C. home for me and for Chris!
And with this, started our official adventure together!
Whenever I listen to this song, I end up wiping away tears from my eyes. Is this new or are we now just becoming aware of the extent of senseless and unjust tragedies around the world? Even as I write this, I know this is NOT new, but what seems to be new is that these tragedies--which isn't even the right word since it takes away blame and responsibility-- these violent attacks whether they are toward a single individual, a crowd of celebrators, a group of protesters, a group worshiping their faith, party goers in a queer club, unarmed black men and women, and law enforcement officials, and students, movie go-ers, shoppers, etc. are taking place in areas we collectively understood to be "safe" spaces. And by we, I'm talking about the global North, the developed world where everything is supposed to be predictable, clean, and orderly. I feel guilt with how I feel shock, despair, and sadness with these incidents, when I know for some people around the world, this is everyday life for them.
On another level, I'm caught between feeling shocked, angry, and then ambivalent and disengaged. After the Orlando shooting, I went to a vigil held at UCLA. I think one of the speakers said it best- you feel sadness, anger, and frustration, but at the same time, you question if it makes sense for you to be so emotionally involved, it almost seems wrong, given that you weren't there, you don't know anyone directly affected, you are afar and safe in your surrounding. It almost seems like you're taking away from the victims and those involved. It's an odd place to be emotionally. And even just admitting its an odd place to be emotionally or contemplating about feelings feels wrong and stupidly luxurious, when people are losing their lives.
The vigil came only a few weeks after UCLA experienced a campus shooting. Even though in the end, the shooter shot one person and then turned to shoot himself, and it did not end in a campus massacre, being in that heightened environment, knowing that someone is out there to kill anyone is emotionally and conceptually difficult to comprehend. You only feel sheer fear and anxiety. I just find myself thinking....what is happening? Why are we as a society, so angry? Why aren't we taking care of each other? Who I have not taken care of in my life?
I could say so much about gun shootings, terrorist attacks, police brutality, racism, xenophobia, anti-gay movements, and all other forms of hate crime. But I often find myself with nothing to say because I don't have the words to express the complex and often confused thoughts that run through my mind when I wake up to another incident of hate, here in the U.S. or abroad. I know how I feel, but I don't think there are words to express this. Maybe that's why this song makes me cry.
I know the right thing to do is to take a stand, but I don't know how to do this in an effective way yet. I feel like social media isn't enough and I also feel that it is sometimes more polarizing than unifying, adding noise but no clarity. I want to act-- not discuss. But how, I don't know yet...
There is such a thing as June Gloom. And then there is May Gray. For some odd reason, June and sometimes May are cloudy in Southern California. I often wake up to windows filled of white where you'd expect blue skies.
These days, I find myself restless, anxious, and unable to sleep. And it doesn't help the sky is gloomy. I'm shocked that in 18 days, EIGHTEEN DAYS! Chris and I will be hosting a marriage celebration for some 100+ people. I feel incredibly unprepared for this and I think I'm most likely forgetting things, very important things, the kind of things all the wedding planners who I interviewed kept eluding to, but wouldn't dare share. ...but then on the other hand, I'm just super excited to share experiences of LA with friends and family coming from afar, and to just see everyone together in one place, meeting each other for the first time, or reconnecting after years. And then...I'm like fuck it. At least I know the food will be good, the venue is unique and very L.A., there will be alcohol, and if everything isn't perfect, or even close to perfect,---perfect meaning not fancy enough, our friends and family will forgive us.
In the face of a million gazillion options and logistics, and desires to create the environment found on my many pins on pinterest, I find myself frozen in the fear of making the wrong decision. Which is ridiculous. But ...not surprising. I've always done better when I had less options, but wedding planning is anything but having limited options (at least in the U.S.). With the clock ticking---work starting to become demanding, and will be until the wedding, and decisions that absolutely NEED to be made at this point, I know Chris and I will be forced to make decisions--whether they are the right ones or wrong ones- something is going to be done. On that note, back to researching options!
