Trees

Tree lovers behold---my digital collection of trees of Southern California.

I love trees, and there are so many beautiful unique trees here. I can't help snapping a photo here and there, and I'd have more if I took photos of trees lined up against the street if I weren't driving! My dad always says the sidewalk trees suffer the most and live sad lives, they are cut into and shaped by the metropolis of sidewalks and buildings---but they are still so majestic and resilient.

Also, I need to learn to take better pictures.

Playa Vista

Laguna Beach, windswept trees

Laguna Beach, at an overlook

                                                                          La Jolla Beach

                                                                    La Jolla city sidewalk

 Abbot Kinney, Salt Air indoor tree! this is the tree I have in our apt that is growing out of control

 Huntington Gardens, wallpaper trees, succulents, cacti (I want this in my house!) 

 Huntington Gardens, Japanese Garden

 Huntington Gardens, Cacti/Desert Jungle

UCLA campus, tree I walk by everyday and still marvel at

 Echo Park Lake

 Larchmont Village

 Sequoia National Forest

 Los Angeles County Arboretum & Botanic Garden

Laguna Beach, right next to the best gelato ice cream shop ever! 

Long Beach

 Westwood Village

San Diego Zoo

Food, Food, Food, and FOOD!

I want to try a new food regime, just to experience what my body feels like without certain foods- like sugar, meat, or processed food to name some examples given the news about the negative effect these foods have on us. This would be a 30 day experiment.

Here are some options I'm considering:

1. Chris' food regime:
a. Breakfast: Green smoothie (we are already doing this)
b. Lunch: Tuna vegetable melt.  This includes canned tuna, frozen vegetable medley, melted shredded cheese (I worry about how co-worker friendly this is)
c. Meat salad: Chicken salad, steak salad, salmon salad with low calorie Italian dressing

*No sweets, no fruit, no real seasoning

Pros: low/no sugar, lots of veggies, protein, easy, Chris would readily do this --he developed it after all
Cons: very very boring! Can I eat the same thing everyday for 30 days?! Can I live without fruit?! Am I willing to be ostracized for heating up fish at work?

2. Whole 30 Program
At its core this program tells you to eat foods with few ingredients and with pronounceable ingredients, or no ingredients --- so basically natural and non-processed foods. It's a reset program. There is a serious no-no list though.

*No....sugar, alcohol (this one is easy), grains, legumes, dairy, and no foods that include carrageenan, MSG, or sulfites.

Pros: Ashley will be doing this, they have menus set up for you, it is well-established and written about,  could really be interesting working with different types of ingredients, could have positive long term effect on eating habits/ingredients.
Cons: Time consuming-requires a lot of prep,  could be expensive, I can see myself having melt downs without any grains and dairy or just being frustrated and unprepared. Have to convince Chris - this might be really hard.

3. Korean Temple diet
I don't think there is actually a program out there for people who want to try a temple diet.  I came to this idea on my own after reading this very very interesting article about a Jeong Kwan, a Korean monk and her cooking. I believe she will be featured on Netflix- Chef's Table soon.  I am very excited to watch that.  Basically Korean temple food is simple, vegetarian, and Korean :) If I am honest with myself, I am most intrigued by this diet- I think it has elements of the Whole 30 Program, because Korean monks aren't eating dairy, and they aren't eating a lot of sugar, but its not as rule based and it is something that I think I can easily integrate into my lifestyle for the long term.

* No meat, alcohol, dairy, probably none of those difficult sounding processed ingredients, low sugar.

Pros: Cooking vegetables Korean style (I think with a lot of fermented sauces), learning about Korean culture, cutting out meat, might have a chance at convincing Chris [going with the Korean element], no smelly lunches
Cons: Will have to do a lot of research- no idea what this entails (this could also be very fun), most likely time consuming, no meat---worried I might get tired quickly, or just miss In-n-Out burgers!

So those are the three programs I'm considering for the month of October...I am giving myself a couple of weeks to figure out which one will be the winner!

추석

This week people in Korea, and in much of East Asia celebrated a harvest festival. In Korea, they call this holiday Choosuk/Chuseok/Chusuk...추석. It is one of the major holidays of the year, and I suppose the closest American holiday to compare Choosuk with is Thanksgiving.  Families come together, eat 송편, 전, 토란국, 감 and in my family there is usually a  제사, a type of ceremonial thank you to ancestors, involved.

I am always reminded of how far away I am, physically and in some ways, emotionally, from my family during this holiday. Emotionally, meaning I'm not involved in the day to day, so I don't really know what is going on at home in terms of general moods and stresses. And I think these things tell me more about home than my dad's usual laundry list of people he met the past week or family activities.

I have been thinking a lot about this holiday over the years, and only this year as I was pondering over a blog post about 추석, did I finally realize why it is a meaningful holiday for me and why I miss it so much ---yay blogging!

It is the first holiday, and only holiday, that I feel I am fully part of. Growing up in the U.S. - while my siblings and I celebrated Halloween, Valentines Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas at schools and with our friends, our parents were never fully part of those celebrations. Sure, we went to neighbors homes and generous host family homes for Thanksgiving dinners, and lovely, thoughtful organizations--often LDS church based programs donated a Christmas tree or held Christmas events that my family participated in, but none of these holidays ever felt like family events or traditions to me and thereby, never felt like something I fully belonged to. Even if we had a Christmas tree with gifts, the idea of opening up gifts Christmas day, just didn't seem important- probably cause my parents really couldn't have cared less what happened that morning...and well, I don't blame them.We were more like spectators of the event, or willing participants, but there was no obligation, expectation, and no  real sense of ownership, and in a sense no extended family to reconnect with. I think this feeling is very much part of the immigrant story when it comes to American holidays (and politics).  I didn't think too much of it then, but I did wonder why I never felt the way those characters in the holiday family movies seemed to feel.

When we moved to Korea in 1996, we moved in with my paternal grandparents given my dad is the eldest son (and that we had no where to live, though this is never explicitly mentioned), and we quickly became steeped in "traditional"- really old school living with my very very Confucius believing grandparents [more on that another day]. In any case, living with the head of the family, meant hosting family events and being "home" to everyone in the family for Choosuk.

I wish I had pictures...but I don't. But I have random memories, sounds, and smells I remember about Choosuk. My mom would start preparing 3-4 days prior, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, setting up. My dad, brother, grandpa would start cleaning up outside, mowing the lawn and moving fallen leaves away. And my sister and I would clean up the house and help my mom and grandma with any preparations (if they'd let us-- also how gendered are these roles?). Relatives would descend that morning, aunts would divide and conquer- one cooking jeon, another cleaning dishes, another setting tables, another pulling out new banchan, another yelling at the kids, and our reading room would turn into a makeshift food storage area for cooked jeon, waiting to be devoured! It's the feeling of fall, the high sky, the laughter, the hustle and bustle of the kitchen, the cousins awkwardly (at least for me) catching up and being cramped in our messy upstairs room, and the bowing, the incense, the whispers, the kitchen gossip, the smell of jeon, the coziness of soup, and the impressive spread of banchan and of course the picking of persimmon. It's watching my uncles, dad, grandpa talk about anything and everything and me silently laughing at how similar they all look, yet how very different they all are. I think...this is what holidays are, this is what I was missing out on, this is the feeling, the ambiance that they portray in those family Christmas movies with Diane Keaton always playing the mom. And...that's why I miss Choosuk!!! I found that holiday that my entire family belongs to and fully and actively participate in. I hope one day I'll be in Korea for it again, and introduce Chris to it. Maybe he'll feel like its his holiday too.

We have two large towering persimmon trees and every fall, my dad would go up and pick the fruit and we'd help. I asked my brother to send me some pictures of the trees this year (do you see the little orange colored fruits up there?). Last year is the first time I saw the same type of persimmon that we have at home, in the U.S., and I was reminded so deeply and quickly of fall in Korea and of this holiday, of my childhood in Korea, and of course of my family. My coworker has the soft (Hachiya) persimmon trees, and last year gave me a large bag of them, he has no idea how much that meant to me! If I ever own land, this tree is one of the first things I will plant.

Happy Choosuk for those away from home and for those at home!!
Next year goal- create a bit of Choosuk for us in L.A.

September thoughts I can't let go of

1. Live Talks LA

Last Thursday I went to a Live Talk LA event with a friend of mine for the first time. The speaker was Daniel Siegel, whom I knew nothing of- but I was intrigued about his topic, mindsight, or the learning of the mind. I was so inspired by listening to someone share his passion with so much emotion and excitement. I walked away totally bought into the idea that "we are all from the same pond of potential, and when you believe that and understand that...how can you not fall in love with everyone".  Of course when I tried to describe these themes to Chris later that night, I just came off as a crazy. (He didn't believe me that Dr. Siegel was a scientist!) In any case, you may find the event here. 

This week Chris and I are going to listen to Lisa Ling!!! Lisa Ling!!! I'm so excited!  Next month, I bought myself a ticket to see Maria Semple.  I loved "Where'd You Go Bernadette", and to get myself psyched, I just finished "This One is Mine".  I didn't enjoy it as much, but I did love its LA setting, and found myself looking up restaurants and iconic locations Ms. Semple wove into her book. I love these talks because they remind me of D.C.- Busboys and Poet talks and Sixth & I Street talks, and being around people who want to learn.

2. Swimming!!

I've taken up swimming this summer and I plan to keep it up until December. I love the rhythmic sounds of breathing I get into once I have swam a few laps. I love how I'm sweating but I don't feel sweaty. I love water.  But mostly, I love how awesome I feel after swimming for a good 30-40 minutes. My mood is lifted and my body thanks me. That's what is keeping me swimming and the feeling I keep coming back to when I'm feeling lazy and thinking about  just heading home instead trekking to the UCLA pool after work. 

 Olympic size pool hidden away behind pine trees.  I am so lucky. It is so beautiful here and worth the uphill walk.

Cheesin~~ Look how happy I am after swimming the other week! I've become obsessed with swimming goals to the extent its getting unhealthy.  Goals for the month- swim 1200m in 30 minutes; and swim 3 times a week. December goal- swim 1600m (1 mile) 3 times a week! 

3. Self-defense classes
I want to get serious about learning self defense.  The world is a crazy and unpredictable place and being prepared is really the only thing anyone can do. These thoughts come from having a long conversation with a group of women, one who is a cop, and urged us all to take a self-defense class, apparently many police departments offer them.  I am lucky that I took the active shooter training before the UCLA active shooter incident earlier this year, I knew what I could do to protect myself and others. It definitely helped me feel in control of my situation. 

4. Babies

Every one of our newly wed friends from last year is either popping out a baby or are pregnant! If not pregnant, talking about getting pregnant. I suppose this is the age, we are thinking about babies! I'm excited about the idea of a baby, but so many things to get in order- student loans, home/apt ownership, school districts?! 

5. Podcasts

The good ones leave you transformed and information or emotions I carry from the podcast seep into my day to day and force me to think differently about life. I love listening to story telling podcasts. And... I am scheduled to be a guest on a podcast this Thursday!! Fingers crossed it goes well, and I'm excited to see the whole process of podcasting before my eyes. 

6. Lemonade's Red Miso Braised Short Rib

What can I say, I can't stop thinking about Lemonade's red miso beef dish that I scarfed down before the Live Talk event last week. So delicious, homey, and comforting. Can't stop thinking about it.  Here's a recipe I found. 

7. Weekend trips and adventures
It's official. I'm addicted to planning trips and seeing new things. There aren't enough weekends in a year for me to do everything, and rest, and sleep, and save money, and blog, and exercise, and see everyone...and work (not employment work (though sometimes I mean that) but working on myself.  Sometimes I think I wait for the weekends because my weekends are too damn exciting. Today is only Monday, yet my Saturday feels light years away. We really cram in our weekends with friends, food, leisure, and activities and so much happens that things that happened yesterday seem unrealistically far away. 

Torrey Pines Reserve + La Jolla Beach

Is summer over? It feels like fall, even though there is no change in the afternoon temperatures. Last year, I did not notice seasonal changes the way I do now, its the morning breeze and evening chills and the general feeling that it is time to get serious, at least until the holiday months.

We went to Torrey Pines State Park Reserve over Labor day weekend. Chris planned the trip and it was beautiful. When we woke up on Saturday morning, we slowly made our way down the coast (cause you know, traffic), and found ourselves among the slower pace, relaxed residents of Oceanside. 

After getting a quick bite and walking around the Oceanside pier, we headed to Torrey Pines Reserve. We ended up walking/hiking 9 miles! The park is right next to the beach and there are multiple hikes in the park. We did a few hikes that had breathtaking views of the ocean side, and then we followed one of the hikes that took us down to the beach. The rock formations and Torrey Pine trees are so unique and made me wonder at nature's power and beauty. The ocean water also connected with marshlands. For some reason, this is not something I expected to see in Southern CA. I loved this area- not only did you get to hike and beach in one place, but it was pretty empty and felt like a locals' area. I think it is one of my favorite hikes so far, and I would like to go back--next time we will be better prepared with parking and spend some more beach time! 

 These trees! They survive the ocean winds and though look like they are dying, they are resilient. I was amazed after reading about the park. The man who fought to protect these trees and this area, started at age 16. What was I doing at 16? Not saving trees that's for sure. I am thankful to people who fought and continue to fight to preserve nature and let us enjoy the wonders of this earth.

 Isn't it amazing?  We walked down the beach path, and this is where we ended up.  We then walked along the beach back to our car and I felt there was no better way to finish a hike than splashing around the water, cooling your feet, and watching birds fly over the waves in formation.

I spy...a bunch of rocks stacked up on top of each other. I wonder if it is Koreans who did that to make a wish. 

Just 15-20 minutes away is La Jolla beach with its seals, pelicans, and outdoor water activities. Apparently you can kayak, SUP, or snorkel/scuba through caves and see some water life up close. We got there just in time to see the sunset and of course smell the intense stench of hundreds of seals rolling around the sand and surfing in the waves! But boy were there a lot of people - I can't believe people would go through such lengths to get a selfie with a wild seal!! Seals were chasing people!! Which I have to admit was pretty funny from afar, but then I just couldn't contain my annoyance at people who would aggravate the seals moving closer and closer despite the seals' warning honk to get a picture. It is incredible that in the US we allow people to get close to wild life - but I notice in most of the rest of the world, you go on contained and monitored drives around nature reserves and you always accompanied by a guide. I don't know which one is "better" but I do wish that we who are given the privilege to freely roam these areas that we share with wild life,  are smart and respectful of their space. In any case, we are lucky to see these seals in close proximity and I hope some dumbo doesn't ruin it for all of us in the future. 

 

We will have to come back to La Jolla to swim with these seals :)

최 뚱이

저번주 월요일, 언니가 전화해서 뚱이가 집을 나갔다고 했다. 

When my parents brought home 뚱이, about 12 years ago, they asked us all what we should name her. I was in the U.S. at the time, studying at Notre Dame, and I jokingly said please name her 뚱이, after me! so a part of me is always at home. My parents and siblings would joke that I was getting fat after being in the U.S. and 뚱이 is an 애칭 for Soonie, but a 뚱뚱한 Soonie. 

Last Monday, I found out that my namesake, 뚱이가 집을 나가 돌아오지 않았다.

This is one of my favorite pictures of 뚱이 앤드 백호. Doesn't she look so happy? Doesn't he look so adorable and loving?

When my brother got back from L.A. after being away from home for a week for our wedding, he noticed 뚱이 had a severe skin rash. He took her to the vet immediately.  He sent us all a picture of her looking pretty skinny and confused.  My mom was immensely worried, but the vet reassured us, it was probably just the crazy crazy summer heat wave.  My parents went home to Seoul a week later and my mom was caring for 뚱이. Two weeks go by and she still has the skin rash- my parents find out she has advanced liver cancer and my mom said she couldn't bear to ask the vet how long she had left to live.

뚱이 was moved inside and meticulously cared for by my mom for weeks. I know my mom's heart was breaking--she is my mom's favorite dog after. She is FULL of 애교. My parents then moved her to our newly renovated basement room because it had better shade.  She eventually snuck out of the basement and started hanging out outside with her brother, 백호.  And then one day....they both snuck outside (which they have been doing their whole lives), and only 백호 returned.

It really breaks my heart to think of what could've happened to 뚱이. My parents searched for 뚱이 for four days, my dad interrogated 백호 everyday to no avail, and left our front gate open for four nights and days, this is no small thing. The heat was unbearable they said, but they still searched.

When I called home on Monday last week, my mom said they closed the gate.  She's not coming back. She wouldn't have been able to survive the heat, let alone 4-5 days with no food or water...or I don't even want to think more about what could've happened.

 When she became a mommy to three little puppies.

Some people say dogs leave home when they know it is time to die. I feel like that is something you say to yourself because the alternative is too heartbreaking to consider. Part of me believes that, I desperately want to, but the other part of me just worries that she was run over by a car, or she got lost, or something horrible horrible happened and she couldn't make it home. She's gone now, and we don't know what happened. 

One good thing from all of this, is that my mom is spared. My mom I know would not be able to bring herself to put 뚱이 down. It would've hurt her more than her disappearing on her own accord. 

I'm still very much mourning my doggy--and it sucks not to be home for this and so far away.  I haven't seen my dog in 2 years and I feel so sad about that. While my mom seems completely fine with not knowing what happened, I think this unknown is much harder for me to deal with. I'd rather know. 

My dad is still asking 백호 everyday if he knows where 뚱이 went, and he says he still doesn't have an answer. 

What kind of dog was 뚱이? She was very smart and quick, and an 애교덩어리. But oddly aggressive to other animals- always getting in trouble! Once she bit another dog while she walking with my mom and another time she bit a much bigger dog than her who was passing our house to the forest.  I'm not making her sound very lovely am I?  She had attitude, but she was soooo lovely and loving! She had such 눈치, she knew when she should mosey over and we would play games with her to see whether she'd move to wherever we told her to move.  She had the cutest eyes, you could see her 횐눈동자 when she looked to the side at you, and that was what really made my mom fall in love with her. What else can I say, she's family. I'm so sad that when I go home next time, she won't be there and I won't be able to pet and play with her. I'm heartbroken I never got to say bye. 

The vet, who had treated her her whole life, told my mom not to be sad. He said that 뚱이 lived a good life in a happy family, and I hope hope hope that she did not have a painful passing and she lived a good life until the end.  Rest in peace my sweet 뚱이. 

What I'm feeling now

These days, motivation to do more or even to do the basics, is hard. 

I find myself really struggling to get excited about my day to day, and I am constantly planning my weekends, trips, and am in search for the next big experience.  I wish I found joy in the day to day, I'm not unhappy by any means, but I do feel like there could be more.  I know what I can do to find this "something more" but I am not motivated to do it. Instead I just click through facebook, blogs, airbnb, and anything that can provide some stimulation. 

I even drank diet coke...it helped. haha. Physical sensation of a tingling drink actually helped. How sad is that?

I'm listening to Justin Bieber's Purpose. 

I am not going to lie, I'm really digging this song right now. 

And...as I'm listening, I'm brought back to my early 20s. Flashes of walking through campus in Shanghai after a full day of Chinese classes, playing soccer with my very international classmates-some wearing flip flops, me I think I'm wearing silk turquoise flats with white and pink embroidered flowers, trying desperately to keep up running with the others. And before I know it, I feel a deep sense of gratitude and find myself smiling remembering how lucky I am to have experienced the sense of wonder and carefree happiness! I'm so lucky to have experienced it. It feels like a world away, but also so immediate. 

I want to spend more time remembering and reflecting. I feel it could unlock a key to happiness.