최 뚱이

저번주 월요일, 언니가 전화해서 뚱이가 집을 나갔다고 했다. 

When my parents brought home 뚱이, about 12 years ago, they asked us all what we should name her. I was in the U.S. at the time, studying at Notre Dame, and I jokingly said please name her 뚱이, after me! so a part of me is always at home. My parents and siblings would joke that I was getting fat after being in the U.S. and 뚱이 is an 애칭 for Soonie, but a 뚱뚱한 Soonie. 

Last Monday, I found out that my namesake, 뚱이가 집을 나가 돌아오지 않았다.

This is one of my favorite pictures of 뚱이 앤드 백호. Doesn't she look so happy? Doesn't he look so adorable and loving?

When my brother got back from L.A. after being away from home for a week for our wedding, he noticed 뚱이 had a severe skin rash. He took her to the vet immediately.  He sent us all a picture of her looking pretty skinny and confused.  My mom was immensely worried, but the vet reassured us, it was probably just the crazy crazy summer heat wave.  My parents went home to Seoul a week later and my mom was caring for 뚱이. Two weeks go by and she still has the skin rash- my parents find out she has advanced liver cancer and my mom said she couldn't bear to ask the vet how long she had left to live.

뚱이 was moved inside and meticulously cared for by my mom for weeks. I know my mom's heart was breaking--she is my mom's favorite dog after. She is FULL of 애교. My parents then moved her to our newly renovated basement room because it had better shade.  She eventually snuck out of the basement and started hanging out outside with her brother, 백호.  And then one day....they both snuck outside (which they have been doing their whole lives), and only 백호 returned.

It really breaks my heart to think of what could've happened to 뚱이. My parents searched for 뚱이 for four days, my dad interrogated 백호 everyday to no avail, and left our front gate open for four nights and days, this is no small thing. The heat was unbearable they said, but they still searched.

When I called home on Monday last week, my mom said they closed the gate.  She's not coming back. She wouldn't have been able to survive the heat, let alone 4-5 days with no food or water...or I don't even want to think more about what could've happened.

 When she became a mommy to three little puppies.

Some people say dogs leave home when they know it is time to die. I feel like that is something you say to yourself because the alternative is too heartbreaking to consider. Part of me believes that, I desperately want to, but the other part of me just worries that she was run over by a car, or she got lost, or something horrible horrible happened and she couldn't make it home. She's gone now, and we don't know what happened. 

One good thing from all of this, is that my mom is spared. My mom I know would not be able to bring herself to put 뚱이 down. It would've hurt her more than her disappearing on her own accord. 

I'm still very much mourning my doggy--and it sucks not to be home for this and so far away.  I haven't seen my dog in 2 years and I feel so sad about that. While my mom seems completely fine with not knowing what happened, I think this unknown is much harder for me to deal with. I'd rather know. 

My dad is still asking 백호 everyday if he knows where 뚱이 went, and he says he still doesn't have an answer. 

What kind of dog was 뚱이? She was very smart and quick, and an 애교덩어리. But oddly aggressive to other animals- always getting in trouble! Once she bit another dog while she walking with my mom and another time she bit a much bigger dog than her who was passing our house to the forest.  I'm not making her sound very lovely am I?  She had attitude, but she was soooo lovely and loving! She had such 눈치, she knew when she should mosey over and we would play games with her to see whether she'd move to wherever we told her to move.  She had the cutest eyes, you could see her 횐눈동자 when she looked to the side at you, and that was what really made my mom fall in love with her. What else can I say, she's family. I'm so sad that when I go home next time, she won't be there and I won't be able to pet and play with her. I'm heartbroken I never got to say bye. 

The vet, who had treated her her whole life, told my mom not to be sad. He said that 뚱이 lived a good life in a happy family, and I hope hope hope that she did not have a painful passing and she lived a good life until the end.  Rest in peace my sweet 뚱이.